Process Intense Feelings

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Process Intense Feelings: The 4 Steps

Step 1: Name It in the body.

Think about a recent situation that stirred up strong emotions within you. It may be an argument with a close friend or family member, a problem at work, or even a personal disappointment. Take a moment to ask yourself what bodily sensations you experienced at that precise moment. Did your eyes well up, your heart quicken, or your chest tighten?

In the body, emotions initially manifest as sensations. These instinctual reactions are hardwired into our DNA; we have no control over them. The good news is that these physical experiences resemble emotional landmarks. We can understand what they're trying to tell us if we listen carefully. And by naming what comes up, we can gain clarity and understand what is unfolding within us. It's a powerful starting point for thoughtful emotional processing.

Step 2: Breathe into it.

Being mindful helps us learn how to focus. It enables us to compassionately and nonjudgmentally acknowledge what is occurring in our bodies. The ability to respond from our true selves rather than our ingrained selves comes from having that awareness.

Recall an instance where you and a loved one got into a furious dispute. You probably had strong feelings at the time, which led to an intense reaction. However, what if you had allowed yourself to halt and inhaled deeply at that very moment?

When we are triggered, the primal part of our brain gets activated first, well before our intellectual brain gets the signal. The amygdala (our reptilian brain) controls our automatic reactions, which depend on our upbringing, defenses, and coping mechanisms we developed over the years. We can stop this reaction long enough for our pre-frontal brain and intelligence to take over by taking a few deep breaths.

Over time, this easy practice of paying attention to my breathing while experiencing high emotional waves helped me control my reactions and maintain composure in stressful situations. It was often just enough for me to regain perspective and respond as an adult, not an overwhelmed child still trying to be seen or heard. I now remember to keep my attention on the breath whenever I feel agitated or unanchored. It always carries me to the other side.

Step 3: Remember that emotions are energy in motion.

Since emotions are energy, they are constantly in motion. We repress, ignore, and disengage from our emotions, which causes us to become hooked on them. Or we hold onto them. We let them fester. They don’t get processed and then released, so we can’t move on.

The first step in processing emotions is to just let them be. We’re no longer fighting them, getting stuck on them, or running from what comes up. Rather, we let the emotions to come and go without tying them to a narrative. It is good to rehearse this in a composed state of mind so that you are prepared for any situation.

Acknowledge and accept whatever is happening within you. Bring compassion for yourself as you pay attention to your body's sensations and experience whatever arises, especially if strong emotions surface. It's tough work, so start small and remember to look after your physical and mental needs every day.

When was the last time you felt frustrated or disappointed? Rather of suppressing these emotions, let them exist in their raw, unfiltered state. Pay attention to your body. What location is that feeling? How does it appear? What is it requiring of you? Attend to anything that arises.

You can write in a journal or go for a stroll while you notice these feelings. It could be that your body needs to dance it out or shake it off. To move that energy through and out of your body, do whatever feels natural. By engaging with your emotions, you enable them to flow through you, rather than stagnate and fester.

Step 4: Respond from your wise self.

Awareness is half of the equation; the other half is action—and how you respond depends on your state of mind. With mindfulness, you don’t get swept up in the turmoil of emotional reactions; you’re no longer allowing autopilot to take you for a spin. Rather, you become aware of the situation, accept it, and access a higher viewpoint. Then, you decide what makes sense for you when it comes to your reaction.

What's the best course of action in this situation? ask yourself. To replenish and rebalance your energy, do you need to take action, stand up for yourself, establish boundaries, ask for help, take a step back and reflect, or take care of yourself?

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