All About Shame

In Today's Email:

• Shame: What Is It and What Can We Do About It?

• Did you know? Yoga for nervous system health…

• Yogapedia: Today’s pose of the day...

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LEARN TODAY:
Shame: What Is It and What Can We Do About It?

What is shame?

"A painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety" is how the dictionary defines shame. Some individuals, I've heard, define shame as being associated with "I am bad," whereas guilt is synonymous with "I did something bad." This is how they separate shame from guilt. One study even defined shame as “negative emotions in which the feeling of global self-evisceration is experienced.” Global self-evisceration. Oof! Shame is extremely unpleasant and painful, and it can affect one’s identity and self-esteem.

How does shame operate?

For the sake of this discussion, we'll actually claim that people utilize shame as a coping mechanism to get by. We're going to consider it to be more of a reaction than a main feeling. Even the dictionary definition explains that it is caused by “consciousness of guilt”, making it appear secondary. As we'll discuss below, this can help us take greater control over how we respond to shame, but first, let's discuss how shame functions.

Shame is less of a fight reaction and more of a flight/freeze reaction. Imagine a little youngster who is feeling ashamed. How do they go about things? They elude us! They retreat, get melancholy, and become silent. Shame serves to protect us by allowing us to focus inward on ourselves in the midst of pain. Although it can help us survive, there are moments when it doesn't seem to be doing any good.

If we look at shame as secondary, then what feeling is underneath that shame? Unloved, inadequate, incorrect, or horrible? Let’s take unloved as an example. Let’s say you get broken up with, making you feel unloved. The voice of shame could enter and say, "You need to learn how to love yourself more so that this doesn't happen again. You got broken up with because you are so unloveable, no one will ever love you." Can you see how shame is attempting to keep you alive?

The unfortunate part is that shame tears you down and makes you focus inward. Shame makes you feel in control, but it's not. You wouldn't be in pain if you could somehow make yourself lovable—it's not clear how to do that. During this process, you are simultaneously losing sight of the relationships and even the reality in front of you as your attention becomes more inward focused. Have you ever witnessed someone “shame spiral”? When it began as a single bad emotion, how did they come to believe that they were the worst person on the planet? Then, despite your best efforts to reassure them that you're not the worst person alive, they genuinely don't believe you? It can be rather difficult to watch someone follow that course.

Shame keeps you mired in place. It continues to persuade you that you are weak, incompetent, wrong, and without power.

What can you do about shame?

The first action you should take is to recognize shame when it appears. Try asking yourself these inquiries when you observe yourself acting in a shameful manner:

What feeling is intolerable or unpleasant that shame is using against me?

What is shame telling me?

What is true about myself even in this pain?

Once you have shown yourself that shame is lying to you, you can work to focus on the feeling underneath the shame. You can validate your feelings and tolerate them so that you don’t need shame to keep you stuck in the pain. You have the freedom to respond to the uncomfortable feeling in a different way that keeps you connected to people and support. The next stage would be to re-engage with the safe people in your life so you can feel cared for and supported, as shame flourishes in solitude.

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CRYSTAL OF THE DAY

POSITIVE NEWS OF THE DAY

K9 Sniffers in Oklahoma Use Their Nose to Convict Child Predators

A doctor who treats children in Ecuador is currently facing a 30-year prison sentence for creating explicit content involving minors—and his prosecution is thanks to Rosco, the electronic sniffer dog.

Not a robotic dog, but a dog trained to detect the chemicals applied onto the surfaces of data storage devices, even SD cards no larger than a pinky nail.

Rosco hails from Rogers County Oklahoma, where he and his partner Lieutenant John Haning work in the Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force.

DID YOU KNOW?

How Yoga Effects The Nervous System

The effects of yoga on sympathetic and parasympathetic regulation and circulation are a big part of the effects of a yoga practice that we can explain right now. Our capacity to efficiently & effectively regulate stress and recalibrate the nervous system responses and increase blood flow. Interestingly enough a large number of pharmaceuticals target the nervous system to create their responses and yet we actually still know very little about the nervous system and the brain.

Then there’s the flip-side. The sympathetic also gets a bad rep. New research also shows that the power of stressing the system is really important to our health & longevity, with things like intermittent fasting and athletic training being examples. What's important is that we can rise to the challenge and then smoothly transition back to a more parasympathetic dominant state. With such a diversity of movement and more introspective practices, yoga is an excellent way to train these shifts in the nervous system.

YOGAPEDIA
Half Wheel Pose (Ardha chakrasana)

What is Half Wheel Pose?

Half wheel pose, or ardha chakrasana in Sanskrit, is a standing backbend. With the hands on the low back, the yogi arches backwards, lifting the chest toward the sky and releasing the head back. While the pose looks simple, it requires a great deal of strength and flexibility to bring the body into this deep backward arch.

Instructions

• Begin standing with the feet as wide as the hips.

• Place the palms on the low back, fingers pointing up.

• Inhale and lengthen the spine.

• Exhale and slowly arch the head and neck back as the chest lifts toward the sky.

• Breathe while holding the pose.

• Inhale and rise.

MEME